Social Exercise

I rejoined the Ventura Vegan meet-up group and they are having a 5 year anniversary celebration this Saturday and I figured I'd sweeten the idea for Dana by saying that she can make vegan cupcakes to bring. I'll tell her she doesn't have to be vegan to go.

I prayed a lot about this and well, although I certainly don't presume to judge for anyone else, C.S. Lewis' words from that interview:

I cannot speak for the way God deals with others; I only know how he deals with me personally (http://good-report.com/5040/part-2-from-the-archives-c-s-lewis-the-final-interview-may-1963).

Basically, I feel guilty every time I eat meat and that's simply the way it is. I don't feel that Dana or you or anyone else, necessarily, is sinning by doing the same (unless you were eating duck liver pate or veal or one of those live fish dinners that the Chinese royalty loved or babies - some things, naturally and spiritually, are just flat out wrong). But, I guess I have what St. Paul called a "weak conscience" in 1 Corinthians 8:9-13 - so for me, if I feel like I'm sinning, I'm probably sinning.

9 Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10 For if someone with a weak conscience sees you, with all your knowledge, eating in an idol’s temple, won’t that person be emboldened to eat what is sacrificed to idols? 11 So this weak brother or sister, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12 When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13 Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall.

I suspect there are a lot of things like this. I can, for instance, drink a glass of wine or a mug of beer without a qualm; yet, many people would feel strongly that they were sinning.

I do ask for your prayers - I know from past experience that it's very hard for me to keep away from eating meat - which I do feel is likely a sin for me. Otherwise, I doubt that I would feel guilty every time I bit into a steak.

I DID have a good time at the one gathering I attended and I talked to people. I know that it's SO easy for me to find excuses not to go to these things - I suppose socializing is a bit like exercise and I'm terribly out of practice. I am going to have to commit to going and if Dana gets to back and feed appreciative vegans yummy cupcakes - well, I think that will tempt her to not drag her feet too much. At any rate, I'd best stop using her as an excuse not to be social, I owe her an apology for doing that a bit too often.

Last Day of Lent

Of late, my migraines have gotten bad again. It is hard to be thankful for the pain aspect of this mixed blessing - especially when it's spring break for your daughter and you have a day full of planned outdoor activities in sunshine that's bright even through two pairs of sunglasses. But I am thankful. I got good reports during this morning's biometric screenings for work and the nurse thought it likely that I ate a very healthy diet. Perhaps some of us require a stick (and being hit in the head with it) rather than a carrot. Still and all, I'd really like to give the carrot approach a try.

Speaking of carrots - I remembered today that Maundy Thursday, not Holy Saturday, is the last day of Lent. Therefore, I have no more obligation after today to keep Lenten promises. I may still post here - or I may wait and make an Advent promise. I know for certain that my Food Journal - which resulted in no weight lost whatsoever - will bite the dust with my fervent thanks.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Of late, I have been searching for a spiritual community and I plan on visiting a new community this Sunday. Thinking and praying about that reminded me of the theme song to television sitcom Cheers:

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name. 

 

I don't think that this place for me will be a corner bar and I'm thankful for that. However, finding a place where you fit is very important. I enjoyed the sermons at the last place I visited; however, I had the uneasy feeling that should people there get to know me and should I get to know them, that it wouldn't be a good fit - I was far too different from the opinions displayed on bumper stickers and even the models of cars in the parking lot screamed that this was not a place where I fit in.

We are social animals and fitting into a community is an important element of our happiness. I've belonged before and hope I find a community in the mundane, physical world to match the virtual communities I have found.

My Favorite Inactivities

The question becomes, what happens if you hit the wall? Because we've all got experience with this. You're working on a creative problem, and then all of a sudden that feeling of progress disappears ... What you should do then — when you hit the wall — is get away from your desk. Step away from the office. Take a long walk. Daydream. Find some way to relax. Get those alpha waves. Alpha waves are a signal in the brain that's closely correlated with states of relaxation. And what scientists have found is that when people are relaxed, they're much more likely to have those big 'A ha!' moments, those moments of insight where these seemingly impossible problems get solved. So when you hit the wall, the best thing you can do is probably take a very long, warm shower. The answer will only arrive once you stop looking for it (http://www.npr.org/2012/03/19/148777350/how-creativity-works-its-all-in-your-imagination?ft=1&f=2&sc=17).

Yesterday, a friend posted a photo of her dog sleeping in the sun and she stated that sleeping in the sun was one of her dog's favorite activities. I replied that it was one of my favorite inactivities too. The thing is, I thought, that we are so focused on activities in our culture - even our relaxation time is carved into a series of activities and to do nothing is a waste of time. This is so much a part of our culture that while activities is a word - inactivities is not. I decided then and there that today's blog would be on our need to have favorite inactivities and to indulge in them.

Serendipity often has its way in my life and today I listened to the news story on creativity quoted above. It seems that creativity - productivity - all those accomplishing ivities are tied into having and indulging in inactivities. What do you like to do when you're doing nothing at all?

Building Trust

I was offered two on ground classes at the local university I wrote about in prior blogs. One class I had already turned down because i would be teaching in the valley when Dana got out of school. The other one would conflict with faculty meetings at the school where I work full time.

As always, turning down work unnerves me and a migraine is looming (it's bad news, I suppose, when dealing with a supervisor provokes migraines as predictably as too much cheap wine provokes a hangover). Still, it was HARD to write that email. I think perhaps that faith may be a gift but trust is like a muscle you strengthen through practice.

Play Date

Dana met her friend Sivonne and Sivonne's grandmother (who is visiting from Alameda) at the mall. Kathy (Sivonne's grandmother) is a divorcee with a good career and around my age. We were the same size and ended up shopping together and it was so much fun to hang out with a woman my age who had similar taste, interests, and experiences. I realize that we all - whatever our age - need play dates. Now I just have to figure out where and how I can meet divorced mothers in their fifties for mall dates. I may actually discover I enjoy shopping.

Passing on Integrity

Yesterday, Dana found a crumpled five dollar bill lying unattended on a store display in Downtown Disney. I asked her if she'd seen who dropped it and she hadn't. She said if she simply started asking the random teens in the store who had lost the $5 that the first person would likely take it - whether it was their money or not. Since I didn't know of a lost and found or whether or not someone would miss the money enough to try to track it down, I told Dana it was her money. She wasn't happy with that. She remembered our talk about Buddhist Precepts and how Buddhists had kicked up "You will not steal" a notch by telling people not to take what had not been given. Dana decided she wanted to put the money in the church's collection plate tomorrow. I'm proud of her. I wonder what the church would think of the fact that it was the Buddha's morality that led her to this decision. I hope they'd approve. I know I do :).

Smiling Goats

Dana and I took a spur of the moment trip to Disneyland today. Probably one of the most unreal places on Earth. We rode the rides and had fun; but, as always, my favorite things were the natural elements - the park and not the theme. Two security guards escorting a mother duck and her ducklings, the flowering trees that were splashes of bright yellow and pink, the unique flowers, the play of light reflecting off the water to shimmer and dance in the weeping branches of a tree and this smiling goat. I've lived half a century and never seen a goat smile. I laughed with delight, got out the camera and up close and personal and this hammy goat smiled several times. Capturing this rare moment in a photo was, without a doubt, one of my all time favorite Disneyland moments.

Being a Good Mentor

Since yesterday, I've been pondering what to do about my teaching career at a local state university. I applied for online training to revise my course and my course was not selected for this training. Apparently, I need to attend my choice of IT classes - choosing ones that address problems with my class - then revise my course and see if it passes muster. Unfortunately, none of the courses offered online and none of the courses offered on ground really address the issues that were brought up in my evaluation. It's frustrating - all the way around - enough so to put me in a bad mood and move me to tears of frustration.

This is contrasted with how I am treated at the two other colleges where I work. I have supervisors that are quick with support and praise. I asked a question about my mentoring at a college where I work part time, for example, which could have been quickly answered - instead, it was answered and my supervisor let me know that I was one of their best mentors. A little affirmation is a great way to start off a day. Elise, my supervisor at my full time job, is likewise supportive and goes out of her way to let you know when you are doing a good job. I also am the mentor for a number of teachers and I think I do well by those I mentor. I can't help but think that not only would I not treat students the way that the state university seems to expect (i.e. humiliating students in a public online forum - which is like humiliating them in front of the class - only worse), but that I also wouldn't treat my colleagues that way.

These days, it's very hard to trust and let go of the possibility of work and part of me is tempted to try to jump through these elusive hoops - although I strongly suspect that nothing I do will be what they want. They need to cut online classes from 30% of their course offerings to 10% and I wonder if all this is just some byzantine way of getting online teachers back on ground. I asked specifically if I needed to attend training to be cleared to teach online again and I have received no answer. Considering how many years I've taught online, the idea that commuting to the valley to attend a one hour class or two about material that I already know in order to learn how to make changes I've already proposed and don't need training to enforce is humiliating. I think it's definitely time to let go.

Positive vs. Negative

I teach for several different schools. One of them - unused to the concept of the online classroom - seems to cross over into being soul destroying in their negativity. I have grown to hate interacting with them - much less in deciding to jump through their vague hoops in order to be cleared to continue to teach online for them. The other schools and the students from the negative school are lavish in their praise of my abilities as a teacher. These are difficult days and it is hard to walk away from work. When do you decide that it's unhealthy to continue and that it's time to walk away and trust that things will be okay? A struggling friend voices my fears - don't turn down any work, put up with anything, jump through those hoops, it can be much, much worse! Other friends and family tell me that I'm being mistreated and should walk away. I'm not sure what to do and when to do it. Or rather, I think I know what I ought to do but I'm scared to do it. Fear perhaps is the opposite of trust.

Tired

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't a part of our ancestral memory that wants to hibernate during the winter. I certainly feel that way today. Taking a nap - supposedly incredibly good for your health and for perking you up in the afternoon - seems to have the opposite affect on me.

Perhaps I should learn a lesson from my furry companions - who do not fret when they are napping. They don't have an agenda of thing to do every day (well, maybe Riley does). They thankfully sleep in the sun whenever the opportunity presents itself and I think they are the better for it.

A Day Off

Yesterday, I was sick and finally went to bed for keeps a few minutes after four in the afternoon. I totally forgot my blog and broke my Lenten promise. I feel really bad about this; but, I think it might be a learning experience.

I came across a post in the migraine twitter feed I follow titled, "I Need an Intervention." The intervention was to get the writer to take a day off. I've often had an image of myself running on a treadmill. One part of me - the part that frets over everything - is yelling, "Faster!! Faster!!" The commonsense part of me is shouting, "Stop! Stop! You need a day off!" I listen to my anxious self until my commonsense self grabs a huge two-by-four labelled "Migraine" and brains me with it. On the whole, I think the relaxing and fun day off was a far better idea. Why don't I listen?

Without Walls

Horses are social creatures. It's Saturday and many of the horses here at the ranch are out with their humans and half the stalls are empty. The remaining horses are nervous and keep calling their missing friends.

These horses are separated - all in their own stall - but still they form bonds.

Recently, Sunshine got to share pasture time with an Arabian mare named Layla. I hope she gets to do this often. As close as stablemates get, the friendship is so much more intense when you can be together without walls. I think it's the same for us.

Navigating the Labyrinth

I was actually looking for the clip from the movie and not an explanation of the scene from the movie; but, it's a short explanation and not too bad. This scene is one that stuck with me because it's such a clear "metaphor" of how we tend to take on and be smothered by the "junk" in our lives.

A student asked me if I missed being a starving artist and if I still did my art and that brought up that scene. I did miss those days and I had to ask myself what it was I missed and the answer to that was how free I felt. Now I feel weighed down with responsibilities - then it was so easy to simply up and quit a job, become a lay missionary, move across country, etc. Now, well, now things are very different. My cousin sent me an email about how freeing old age is and how much she enjoyed being "old" and it made sense on this level. If we are lucky, we will come to a time when we can let go of all the junk that we have accumulated and simply be free to enjoy life again. Of course, perhaps that starts with figuring out what I can let go of here and now.

Junk Food

Spiritual nature, like bodily nature, will be served; deny it food and it will gobble poison - C.S. Lewis

This quote stuck with me and it came up in my responses to yesterday's blog entry. I think that this is a very real danger - we will fill ourselves up with empty and even poisonous spiritual "calories" - growing fat while our soul starves nutritionally.

I think the food analogies are apt - we are an obese nation who is starving ourselves nutritionally eating food that crosses the line to being harmful. Many foods are addictive and poison us slowly - just as surely as alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs can harm us and cause us to crave them out of all reason.

This begs the question of how this relates to us on a spiritual level and I'd like to begin with another quote:

Nothing but God can satisfy that hunger in the human heart, that aching for meaning and purpose. No- thing can fill that hole – but only Someone.  Pascal wrote of this hole in the soul as a “God shaped vacuum”. St. Augustine of Hippo expressed this universally experienced sentiment, “Our hearts are restless God until they rest in Thee.” We were created for purpose. We were created for meaning. We were created for Love. We were created for relationship. We were created for God (http://blog.beliefnet.com/catholicbychoice/2011/04/walking-the-easter-way-by-living-our-lives-in-the-risen-lord-now.html#ixzz1psZ7VX9O ).

I look for one quote by St. Augustine of Hippo and find three. I thought that Deacon Keith Fournier expressed the whole idea beautifully.

We have a spiritual hunger and there are nutritious ways to satisfy that hunger and there are ways that are not at all beneficial. I don't think the sole nutritious path lies in one denomination or creed; however, I do think that this challenges us to do some soul searching and find out how we are satisfying our spiritual hunger.

Somebody to Love - Act II

I remember once, when I was in a bad and depressed spot in my life, that I told someone that being me was like being locked in a room - 24/7 - with someone who hated you and would like to see you dead. It was not comfortable, it was not safe, it was not fun. Americans, as a rule, are far more unhappy than people in other countries and far more given to self-loathing - even in this age of empty praise and inflated grades. I think perhaps we are far more given to self-loathing, in fact, because of these things. We are taught that it's all about us, we live in a society that elevates the individual and not the community and we end up with a nation full of people who are bitterly alone in a crowd and who know that empty praise is just like empty calories - it's not only empty but it's bad for you.

When I wrote the other day about finding somebody to love, I think perhaps I should start by looking in my own mirror and not despising what I see.

Loss

Last night I read an odd thought a character in a novel I'm reading had - she was glad she was an ugly woman because beautiful people had so much taken away from them as they aged. I think sometimes we are afraid of gifts - knowing that we will lose them - so much so that we would rather pass them by. Choosing, in other words to never love rather than to face losing what we love. I wonder how often we beggar ourselves for no other reason than this fear. But, as long as we are alive, there is always something to lose - which means perhaps some people opt for death rather than life. I always thought it rather humorous that God, in Deuteronomy 30:19, laid out for us two choices - a blessing and a curse, life and death - and then gives us a clue to "choose life." I thought God must have been rather exasperated at that point. Yet, it was a hint we really need because all too often we just don't get it.

Sacred vs. Secular

My poor Sociology students have to dive into the cold waters of religious studies during Week 5. Whereas students in other sections of the class also get to discuss education and the family - for me, I get to "talk shop" for a week and all my assignments are based on sociology of religion. I actually have a lead-in post apologizing for this fact and my enthusiasm; but, I just can't resist.

My first question is a discussion of sacred vs. secular practices in day-to-day life and I have the great fortune to have a Hasidic Jew in one of my classes. I still remember the light bulb going off in graduate school when a rabbi translated Halakhah not as Jewish Law but as "walking in a sacred way." At the time, I was also enrolled in a Native American Culture class in American Studies and had just come across that phrase - written by a Sioux medicine man (I cannot remember if he was Lakota, Dakota, or Oglala).

This highlights the difference between orthodox (right belief) religions and orthoprax (right action) religions. It seems to me that being mindful of practice enables one to draw the secular into the sacred and in a saint's life, for example, there would be no real difference between the two. I am so, so very far from that; however, I learned in my journeys outside of Christianity to see the sacred and hear the voice of deity in the most surprising places - like the lyrics of a rock song. We often try to limit our experience of God and I think when we do that, we close ourselves off of much that is holy.

Somebody to Love

When the truth is found to be lies
and all the joy within you dies
don't you want somebody to love
don't you need somebody to love
wouldn't you love somebody to love
you better find somebody to love

So sang Jefferson Airplane and I've sung along with this song any number of times over the years. When I need to get into the mindset of the sixties to write, listening to Grace Slick is the fast track to get there. I was just thinking about how we all want to be loved and how sometimes we can manipulate others - often cruelly - into revealing their concern and their love for us. We need and crave that reassurance. Then this song sprang to mind and I realized that Grace was singing for the opposite of this all too natural and often cruel desire to be loved - she was singing for somebody to love and urging her audience that they'd "better find somebody to love."

It occurred to me that Grace is echoing Jesus' message, as grace so often does, in highlighting the greatest commandment, which is to love. When she belts out, "You'd better find somebody to love," isn't she urging us to do exactly what Jesus said we were to do? It's not hard to find somebody - there are, after all, somebodies all around us, waiting and wanting to be loved. The question is, do we want to love them?

Running to Stand Still

Just at this moment, somehow or other, they began to run.
Alice never could quite make out, in thinking it over afterwards, how it was that they began: all she remembers is, that they were running hand in hand, and the Queen went so fast that it was all she could do to keep up with her: and still the Queen kept crying 'Faster! Faster!' but Alice felt she COULD NOT go faster, though she had not breath left to say so.
The most curious part of the thing was, that the trees and the other things round them never changed their places at all: however fast they went, they never seemed to pass anything. 'I wonder if all the things move along with us?' thought poor puzzled Alice. And the Queen seemed to guess her thoughts, for she cried, 'Faster! Don't try to talk!'
Not that Alice had any idea of doing THAT. She felt as if she would never be able to talk again, she was getting so much out of breath: and still the Queen cried 'Faster! Faster!' and dragged her along. 'Are we nearly there?' Alice managed to pant out at last.
'Nearly there!' the Queen repeated. 'Why, we passed it ten minutes ago! Faster!' And they ran on for a time in silence, with the wind whistling in Alice's ears, and almost blowing her hair off her head, she fancied.
'Now! Now!' cried the Queen. 'Faster! Faster!' And they went so fast that at last they seemed to skim through the air, hardly touching the ground with their feet, till suddenly, just as Alice was getting quite exhausted, they stopped, and she found herself sitting on the ground, breathless and giddy.
The Queen propped her up against a tree, and said kindly, 'You may rest a little now.'
Alice looked round her in great surprise. 'Why, I do believe we've been under this tree the whole time! Everything's just as it was!'
'Of course it is,' said the Queen, 'what would you have it?'
'Well, in OUR country,' said Alice, still panting a little, 'you'd generally get to somewhere else—if you ran very fast for a long time, as we've been doing.'
'A slow sort of country!' said the Queen. 'Now, HERE, you see, it takes all the running YOU can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!'

The above quote is from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There. I was always captivated by this scene as child - although puzzling over the logic it seemed to me that if you had to run very fast to stay in the same place, that standing still should get you someplace else very fast. I was a contrary child - I'm sure the Red Queen would have remarked on that at once ;).

These days, it does seem that I'm doing a great deal of running to stand still. For instance, I am pondering whether or not to offer to give a presentation at Art Institute's virtual conference on working out while working. I've been fairly faithful to that treadmill and logged in quite a few miles since beginning the project. Yet, I can hear the questions now about results and my answers. "Well, no, I haven't actually lost any weight or any inches - although my feet hurt quite a bit."

So many parts of my life currently seem to be comprised of me not quite running fast enough to stand still. It's stressful and it's exhausting and I wonder sometimes if I should try and see what happens if I stop running very fast. I'm certain I will end up someplace else - my only worry is that the someplace else might not be where I want to be.

A Map of the Soul

I came across a very interesting idea in C.S. Lewis's work - I believe it was in Mere Christianity - where this comes up. He related a conversation he had with a veteran. The man stated he had no need for religion because he had experienced God in the desert one night after his plane had crashed. That feeling was so vivid and intense that it made a lasting impression on this gentleman. Lewis stated that he had no doubt the experience was real and that many of us have such experiences; however, he delineated it from religion in the following way. Basically, he said, if one wishes to speak about the ocean, a trip to the beach is far more intense an experience of the ocean than is looking at a map of the Atlantic. However, if one's desire is to get from London to New York, then the map is a better experience of the Atlantic than is a trip to the shore. Religion, he said, is like a map built out of the thoughts and experiences of centuries of believers before you. What do you think of that? I've been pondering the idea ever since I read it and I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

A Blessing or a Curse?

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "Maybe," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "Maybe," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "Maybe," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "Maybe," said the farmer (http://users.rider.edu/~suler/zenstory/maybe.html).

Yesterday, I listened to a story on a study done by the Silent Spring Institute on dangerous chemicals in our products - cleaning products, sunscreen, soap, shampoo, deodorant...you name it...it seems our environments are full of toxic chemicals. As I listened to the recommendations on what to avoid, I was struck by how much these recommendations followed what I've had to do for years due to allergies, migraines, and skin problems. It occurred to me that I have probably lived a far healthier life than I would have without these ailments, which I have long considered more along the line of curses rather than blessings.

Likewise, food allergies, migraines, gall bladder disease and gallstones meant that I shied away from gluttony, fried food, processed foods and junk food. I learned to read labels decades before it became popular. Once again, these "curses" have lead to my being blessed with a far healthier middle age than I'd likely have otherwise.

Usually, when something "bad" happens to us, being thankful for it is the last thing on our minds. We want the bad thing - whatever it is - made better. We want it gone. We want that now. It occurred to me on thinking about all my mixed blessings that perhaps I should start being thankful for them.

Cambria

One of my favorite places to be is Cambria. There's a little motel on the rugged coast of Moonstone Beach that allows dogs and has fireplaces. It's mostly an art community; but, it's very dog-friendly and it's very easy to simply relax. We don't even do a lot there - walk on the beach, hang out at the motel, just being - and that's why it's so wonderful.

I looked into moving there a few years back - although living somewhere without close access to an ER bothered me a bit (back in the days before they came along with "better" migraine drugs I can't take); but, I thought, with all that relaxation maybe I wouldn't get headaches. Then Dana pointed that If we moved to Cambria, then it would be our normal life, stressful place and then where could we go that was special to relax.

I think we all need a special place that's different from where we live and stress out. That's one thing that worries me about heaven. In describing utopian groups in lectures, I'd always tell students that utopias always had one fatal flaw - people. You put humans into any utopia and we'll always muck it up. So I have to wonder about heaven - Groucho Marx used to say that he'd never join a club that would have him as a member. Can heaven really be so great if the likes of all of us will be allowed? And, if we can be changed so that we are somehow heavenly in disposition - will we still be ourselves and have free will? If so, why not start out with heaven and skip all this tiresome suffering and dying stuff?

Maybe now all we can grasp of heaven is a dream and it's a special place - like Cambria - that we aren't quite ready to move to.

Clowns

Cats may unintentionally be funny; but, once they have grown past the kitten stage, they do not appreciate being laughed at. Dogs, on the other hand, seem to enjoy clowning around and laughter - even if it's at their own expense.

Not every dog, mind you, and not all the time. Riley has a sense of humor. She loved to steal Kodi's toys and hide them out of his reach under the bed. She does this mostly when Kodi and I are playing fetch - darting in to grab a toy before he find it. There's a spring to her step as she trots off - no doubt she's laughing at the big oaf who can't find his toy. But, while Riley will laugh with you (as she's doing in the photo of her dressed up for Halloween), to be the object of laughter she isn't sharing mortifies her. A terrier has a sense of dignity.

Kodi? He'll laugh on with you and rush in to find something even goofier to do next.

Holding the Sun

One thing I love about flowers is how they seem to catch and hold the sun. Flowers are beautiful on their own; however, when they are illuminated by the sun they become transfigured.

I think it is the same with us when we hold love and let love illuminate our inner beauty.

All Good Gifts

This morning I was once again confronted by my identity as an artist. I'm an artist and a writer who doesn't, admittedly, do much art - unless you consider this blog and the books' worth of material I write in class an expression of my art.

Today's sermon was interesting - the pastor said that we should use our talents and gifts "in submission to God and in service to others." I can say that my work in the classroom is definitely in service to others; however, I do not do much else these days. No fiction, no drawing, no energy. I can remember drawing for hours as a child because I simply could not not draw. I hope and pray that I may find that passion again some day.

The Tao of Cats

The Tao Te Ching opens with the insight that the Tao that can be known is not the Tao. Cats are like the Tao in this way. I surmise that the cat who can be known is not a cat.

Cats also express the Taoist idea of effortless effort. They are pure grace and beauty and they manage to express this whether awake or asleep. My cats also have a knack for expressing the yin and yang of life in their reposing poses.

Flowers

If you were to look in at the photographs I have taken over the years that are stored in my iPhone, you would see one subject dominating all the others. Flowers. I love flowers and the sheer spendthrift beauty of them. But flowers have other qualities. One of the main qualities is the brevity of their moment of perfection. I've passed by a lot of flowers that are a day past their perfect bloom - sometimes only even a few hours past. There's a droopy petal here or a withered petal there or a spot of brown - something indicative of the passage of time and that this gift is a very transitory one. There are many, many blessings of beauty in life but most are there for only a moment. Pay attention!

Paths

I have a great love of walking. I love the idea of the path and what lies just beyond the garden gate or over the wall, after the next twist in the road, or just beyond the horizon. I think that something as simple and unassuming as a morning stroll with the dog awakening curiosity and a sense of wonder that we should treasure. With that in mind, I'm sharing a few photos of my favorite walks.

Doing Everything Right

I am one of those fortunate enough to have health insurance through my place of employment. In order to pay lower rates I have various hoops I must jump through. Jumping through one of these hoops hooked me up with a lifestyle coach. Today I shared with her entrees from a food journal I began after our first discussion. I also kept track of my exercise and my weight (which didn't budge an inch). Her comments were to the effect that I was doing everything right - good diet and good exercise regiment; but, at my stage of life actually losing weight was very, very hard without taking aggressive and unhealthy measures (which she did not advise).

A part of me, naturally, yells, "It's not fair! I'm doing everything right!" I'm right of course, on the face of it this quirk of biology is out and out not fair. Of course, looked at another way, it is fair or even reasonable of us to expect our bodies not to show the wear and tear of years? Shouldn't we instead look for the beauty that is inherent at our own stage of life? I think perhaps this may be easier a decade from now when I've finally gotten through my head that the face that stares back at me in the morning is not my thirty-year-old face because...duh!...I'm not thirty and my waist is not the waist of someone who's never borne children because I'm a mother. As of now, I think that the past several decades have somehow slipped by without my notice and when I remember doing something or having a certain look or style and count up the years between then and now that those twenty years were full of stuff happening and all that stuff has made a mark in my memory and my body's memory. And that is something to be treasured and not denied.

Companionship

My mother sent me this photo today. I don't know who took it, but it speaks to the heart. This week in two of my classes we are discussing poverty and I have been surprised and dismayed by the hardhearted attitude of several of my students. In discussing myths we tend to have about the poor, I'm struck again by how much we don't want to see the person who is wanting, we desire to cordon them off as separate from us - different from us - somehow deserving of a fate we will never deserve. We protect ourselves from the humanity of poor people. This photo eloquently cuts through all that and reveals a person that loves and a person who is loved. And, as any dog will tell you, that is what being human - or being canine - is all about.

Comfortable in My Own Skin

Miss Rosie has always had a weight problem. Our three boys get an extra meal and still Miss Rosie is the one who is - as I'm sure she would say - pleasingly plump. The emphasis would be, naturally, on pleasingly.

Cats are beautiful creatures who are well aware that they are beautiful. They are also supremely comfortable in their own skin.

When I was younger I had no qualms about being nude - I knew my well-toned body fits society's standards of beauty. Now I'm older. To my mind I'm not at all pleasingly plump and although I'm in good health and active, I do not regard my body with anything approaching respect, satisfaction, or comfort.

I have to wonder if, all in all, I've spent far too much time obsessing about my waistline and far too little time reaching out to embrace the world.

Angel on My Shoulder

Remember the old images in cartoons and movies where a person had an angel on one shoulder urging them to do good and a devil on the other shoulder tempting them to sin? This morning, when the alarm went off, my furry family members decided to reenact this. Four cats stapled me too the bed, urging me to join them in dozing the day away. You can catch angelic Kodi's look in an earlier post - he pleaded the case that it was time to be up and about, glorying in the bright new day. Riley bounced up and down in her urgency - moving too fast for a photo. I ended up listening to the "angelic" urging of the dogs - the cats may give me dirty looks but they don't pee on the floor if I don't move fast enough ;).

Weeds

Walking by the beach today I saw the sunshine bounce off these flowers - aka weeds - a common plant here most usually pulled up and thrown aside in well-kept yards.

When I was an art student, I loved to paint delicate watercolors of plants like this because few people noticed or valued their spendthrift beauty. The world is full of beauty like this - beauty disregarded and devalued by human culture.

In like matter, my family is full of rescues - dogs, cats, and even a horse who was proclaimed "of no use" and a rabbit who had outgrown his baby bunny cuteness in a pet store cage. Without a doubt, I can say that the majority of the treasures I have found in life have come from the cosmic thrift store and trash heaps of humanity.

Being open to the beauty of weeds is a glorious thing - it allows you to be blessed with grace and light and love. Appreciate a weed today - or a scruffy dog, feisty sparrow, or alley cat - you'll see that I'm right ;).

Divine Instinct

I think that the insane desire one has sometimes to bang and kick grumblers and peevish persons is a Divine instinct.  ~Robert Hugh Benson (http://www.quotegarden.com/complaining.html)

They come along every so often - the complaining student who takes it upon themselves to load up my email box with complaints that often seem inexplicable and senseless to me and I try to respond seriously and politely and with all the good customer service skills required of college instructors. I also am thankful that absent-mindedness is a trait professor's are known for so that these emails won't spring to mind every time I grade or respond to this student in class.

I first met her when she took issue with the wording on a quiz question she GOT RIGHT. The question described a study done by a fictitious city and the student had to choose what kind of study the city had done. The issue? This city was never mentioned in the text and that was confusing. I told her that questions often used fictitious names and gave the example of a graduate student named James who wrote his thesis on the competition for scarce resources in a small farming town. I told her if asked which of four theories he likely used in his thesis that the student should know to look up the definitions of the four theories in the index to see which one fit and not to waste their time looking for a reference to someone named James. She complained that the city in the question actually DID exist. I responded with a wink that I also knew a graduate student named James. And so it goes.

Her current complaint is that the instructions for the required length of the assignment are in the description of the assignment rather than the grading criteria. She first wanted to know if I had gone rogue and decided on my own to add this new requirement to the class assignment and if she would find this similar requirement in other sociology classes (presumably taught by saner sociology instructors). I explained that it was a stated requirement, told her where it was and explained the placement of these instructions - in detail - and told her that she could redo the assignment and post responses of sufficient length. She continues to complain. I feel a headache coming on and wonder if perhaps HER Lenten promise is to come up with at least one petty complaint every day and not rest until she's sent at least give emails on the subject. I wonder what she's writing to her other teachers.

Considering all this, I remembered the story of the Israelites' journey through the desert and how they complained about the menu. Manna was boring - they'd had cucumbers and meat and all sorts of good things in Egypt. I remembered the Noble Truths of Buddhism - the meaning of the word dukkha in the First Noble Truth - often translated as suffering but perhaps more accurately means unsatisfactory - actually means that we cannot find eternal satisfaction in the transitory things of this life. Our thirst for and attachment to things that don't last is where our suffering lies. It is very similar in meaning to Jesus' remark to the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:13-14), "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” Perhaps that is the root of our complaining - we are all, deep down, searching for something that cannot be found in this world.

All that said, I still want to bang and kick something ;).

Hallelujah!

I came across this rendition of the song "Hallelujah" (words by Leonard Cohen):

http://www.godvine.com/8-Year-Old-Rhema-Marvanne-Sings-Hallelujah-Amazing-706.html

I first heard the song from a secular source and I've heard it in church. I think it's a beautiful song - even if the writer mixes in a bit of the story of Samson and Delilah with the classic story of David.

What I was unprepared for was the number of people who disapprove of this song about "sexual obsession" who posted their displeasure in the comments. While I don't believe sexual obsession is the theme of this song - though it is perhaps a minor chord - I did read over this comments to find out what all the fuss was about. The gist of these complaints was that a song with this topic had no place in a church. I wonder if they would also claim that a story about sexual obsession has no place in the Bible. Considering that David was sexually obsessed with Bathsheba and had sex with her and arranged for her husband's murder when it became apparent that the adultery would be discovered and considering all the other stories I've read thus far of prostitutes, murderers, scoundrels, and the like...well...the Old Testament would be a short read if all these fallible and sinful individuals were kicked out of its pages.

Feel free to share your thoughts and please enjoy the song. This girl has an amazing voice.

Irreconcilable Differences

Yesterday, I came across this in Andrew Greeley's book Home for Christmas:

"Eye has not seen, nor has ear heard, nor has it entered into the hearts of men those things which God has prepared for those who love Him." -- St. Paul

Such imaginings involve imagining what God is like. ... I believe firmly and confess gladly that in this conversation I have underestimated the mercy and love of God -- and also his wit. There is no way that one can comprehend the ineffable, as much as humans try. Along with St. Therese, however, I believe that God is nothing but mercy and love and the more we reflect on that, the better off we will be.

The book is about a near death experience had by an American soldier in Iraq. An earlier scene showed him rushing into harm's way to rescue two toddlers who had wandered into the line of fire. Such heroism is commonplace among our troops. We have rules of engagement and murdering toddlers is not on our agenda. Not so in the ancient Middle East.

I have read a great deal of scripture in my life - from all the world's religions. This year I began reading the Bible - beginning with the Genesis. Currently, I am in the middle of Judges. I am appalled at the bloodthirsty nature of warfare - the Israelites, under the direction of God, swept into cities and killed everything that drew breath - men, women, children, even at times the animals that lived there. Deuteronomy 7:2 has God instructing the Israelites to show no mercy.

I cannot reconcile these two images of God. I'm at a total loss. Is it that our understanding of reality and super-reality has changed over time? You see that progression in scripture - I've lectured on it - religions change and our understanding of religion changes through the generations just as we see the cosmos differently as a toddler than we do as an adult. Yet, if that is the case, how do we take scripture, what place does it hold in our spiritual journey?

Kodi

The plan had been to adopt a German Shepherd mix as a guard dog. Riley might have a terrier's fierce heart, but she was only 8 1/2 pounds of ferocity. I wanted to feel safe in our new home. I saw a photo of "Alfred" on the Humane Society's website. He was six months old and reportedly an Aussie/Akita mix. Two large, protective breeds. When thirty pound Kodi was brought out and immediately climbed into Dana's lap, I knew he'd never top forty pounds. I tried to talk Dana into waiting for a better fit; but, Kodi was the dog for her. Riley, amazingly enough, liked him. We filled out the paperwork and were told we could take him home once the home check was done. That Saturday we visited again to play with and walk Kodi. A volunteer came up and said, "Did they tell you he was deaf?" I relied that I had not been told that, but, it just meant that he was more special. I understood why he hadn't been adopted when all his litter mates had gone quickly. He'd spent almost all of his puppyhood in a cage. It was time for him to have a home. These thoughts warred with the fact that I felt like Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk, I had managed to pick out a deaf watchdog. I had to laugh. It turned out that timid, peace loving Kodi is very protective of my daughter, highly intelligent, loving, and not at all deaf. Whether that was a miracle or not, who knows? Even the vet that checked him out confirmed his deafness. I'm so glad we took a chance and gave this guy a home :).

Nothing to Say, Nothing to Pray

I sit here, virtually empty of ideas, wondering why I ever made this Lenten promise to begin with when I have nothing to say. In my frustration - I've already lost one start on today's entry - I remember Romans 8:26:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 

Religions around the world have many non-verbal ways to reach out to the Divine. Dancing, drumming, singing, chanting - I've done them all and I've been taken up into something blissfully outside my own all too small intellect.

Perhaps these are the times when we should take a deep breath and simply listen.

A Lack of Imagination

I remember being fascinated by an old copy of Dante's "Divine Comedy" as a teen. The etching of Dante's visions of Purgatory and Hell were rich in detail. Heaven? Not so much. Heaven was boring. But I think the problem is a lack of the imagination. We think of Heaven with an earthly mindset.

It's like the Buddhist story. When asked about Nirvana, the Buddha said that trying to describe Nirvana to those who had not attained Nirvana would be like a frog returning to the pond to describe air and land to tadpoles. He could only describe it in negatives. Land is not wet, no you cannot swim in it, etc. he could not explain what it was.

It's hard not to fear, hard to trust that all things will work to the good when we look at our lives in earthly terms. It is only when we accept the reality of Heaven that fears melt away.

Impression Management

Julie Ackerman Link has spoken once again to my experience as a teacher. She wrote:


Some of us may feel pressured to be perfect when we go to church so that people will think well of us. Metaphorically speaking, we work hard to make sure we have every hair in place. But a healthy church is a place where we can let down our hair and not hide our flaws behind a façade of perfection. In church, we should be able to reveal our weaknesses to find strength rather than conceal our faults to appear strong (http://odb.org/).

This week, one of the discussions in my classes is on impression management and a student wrote about the importance of impression management in church because it was horrible to feel judged in church. I agree - it is horrible to feel judged because being judged rather than loved flies in the face of everything Jesus taught. Considering the serendipity of this - I have to wonder what I am meant to learn here. Feel free to comment - I'd love to continue this discussion and see where it leads.

God is Love

In many of my religious studies classes, I've commented that those three little words, at the end of 1 John 4:8 were, in my opinion, the most profoundly elegant and beautiful scripture I knew and I've read the scriptures of many of the world's religions. I was thinking about those words the other day as I walked and thinking about John 3:16 and it occurred to me that this was a truly radical viewpoint. Every person I looked at - from the homeless people who spend the days on the beach, to the elderly couple walking by, to the teens who I was sure should have been in school, to the toddlers and their mothers - according to these scriptures God loves all of them -  with a passionate love deep enough to die for that person. I cannot truly comprehend a LOVE that expansive - a LOVE that is God - a God that is Love. It sounds simple - three little words - but they contain something so profound that a lifetime of meditating on those words wouldn't begin to plumb the depths of their meaning. Maybe that's what Heaven is for ;).

Sad Dogs?

My back went out this morning and working was harder than usual and notably slow and unproductive and I decided to schedule a massage instead of going for my usual walk. Despite these disappointments, both Kodi and Riley are now sleeping by my feet. Just another of the things that we can learn from dogs about how to love, how to be loyal, and how to be happy and relax no matter the circumstances.

Ash Wednesday

Today marks the beginning of Lent. It's a solemn day; but, I'm going to start Lent in an odd way, by sharing something that makes me smile and fills me with joy. Daffodils. I love flowers, but, daffodils are my favorite. Dana and I planted these. Daffodils are like bright cups full of joyous sunshine. These are by our front door and it's wonderful to leave and enter our home sharing a smile with our daffodils :).

Question Authority

I came across this idea by a teacher - Julie Ackerman Link - that "question authority" can mean something other than "challenge authority." It can simply mean to ask questions and as such is advice she gives her students. She pointed out that some scholars believe students learn more from discussions - where they freely ask questions - than they do from lectures. As a teacher, I agree with this observation. In addition, discussions are a lot more fun ;).

The Value of Community

Today, my best friend shared this quote from Max Lucado:

Christ distributes courage through community; he dissipates doubts through fellowship. He never deposits all knowledge in one person but distributes pieces of the jigsaw puzzle to many. When you interlock your understanding with mine, and we share our discoveries . . . When we mix, mingle, confess, and pray, Christ speaks.

Recently, my sociologist students were asked to discuss the differences between three terms - religion, religiosity, and spirituality. Almost all of them gave answers that extols the values of spirituality (which was viewed as a solitary and individual affair) and dissed religion big time - sharing stories of how they had been hurt, disillusioned and disappointed by a church, synagogue, or temple congregation when they were younger. Religion to them empty, dry, and meaningless. It compared to spirituality in the same way that a stale Chips Ahoy cookie would compare to a homemade Toll House cookie hot from the oven. I spoke about how all human institutions and groups are made up of human beings and that human beings are fallible and imperfect and that any group - religious or not - made up of humans has its share of problems. I spoke about the value of community in my response and asked what value they could find in a community of believers - whatever the religion - and none of them came up with a single idea. My prompts and examples fell on deaf ears - this was a class full of people who had had their fill of religion and wanted none of it and this included those who still attended religious services!

I'm not sure where to go from here - this question comes up in every class and in every class the response is the same. I have no idea how best to respond to this. Whatever a student's religion, it saddens me deeply that they find no value in sharing that faith with other believers. Our society is individualistic and the divide between people seems to have grown immensely even during my lifetime. I'm not a preacher and my job as an instructor is not to share my religious viewpoint; however, as a scholar of religious studies I've visited many religious services in a wide variety of religious traditions and I've seen much of value there and I've experienced the Divine and met an answer to the hunger that is spirituality. How do I share that?

A Cuddle of Cats

It's official (I looked it up in several dictionaries) - the official term for a group of cats is a clowder. I would like to respectfully disagree. I think a better term would be cuddle. A cuddle of cats fits my years of catty experience far more than clowder - a word I imagine only Jeopardy champions ever have on the tip of their tongue. Take a gander at my cuddle of cats and see if you don't agree that clowder doesn't describe what you see nearly so much as cuddle.



I've learned a lot from my cuddle of cats. Lesson #1 is that it's okay to find and enjoy your place in the sun. It's a blessing and we are meant to delight in our blessings. It's what thankfulness is all about. Lesson #2 is that blessings are even better shared. Even, ahem, if you share them with a dog ;).

Helping

I came across an interesting quote today that expressed our tendency to pray to God to help where we are unwilling to meet a need ourselves. Of course, the Cosmos is a huge and complicated place and there are many things we literally cannot make better; however, I wonder if perhaps my first thought when I pray for another is to ask myself what I could do to help. C. S. Lewis wrote that if our giving doesn't pinch a bit and smack of being a bit more than we can easily afford, then we aren't giving enough.

I think often I want more, more, more for myself out of fear. This is an uncertain world and the current drama over my full time job taught me how very fragile my self-reliance is - it doesn't take much to totally change one's circumstances and I am often fearful of what lies around the corner. In Philippians 4, St. Paul states that he has learned to be content no matter his circumstances. I think equally important to present contentment is having the security to know that I will still be content - whatever tomorrow brings.

I am so, so far from St. Paul in my attitude. Though I wonder sometimes if fear and stress about possible hardship is, in the end, far worse than the actual hardship. I think it is. What do you think?

Friendship

"Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our job and the dividing of our grief." Cicero's words are a blessing as I spend a few moments this Valentine's Day thinking about my friends and how they have far more than halved my grief. 

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will life up his companion. But woe to him who is alone with he falls, for he has no one to help him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). This verse also extols the value of friendship. 

Valentine's Day - these days - emphasizes romantic love; however, it is an important day to remember all the other forms of love out there - in my life I am very blessed by the love of God, the love between myself and my daughter, the love of my parents, the love I share with my furry family members, and the love of my friends. 

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for being a part of my life.

Expansion

I'm not sure if this is an attempt to work more of my life into my spiritual journey or simply a recognition that, in the end, everything we do is part of our spiritual journey. Spirituality, after all, isn't like a job, where you have set hours and time off and even vacations. Nor is it like making and keeping an appointment. It's who we are at the core and most essential part of our beings and everything secular, when looked at in that light, becomes an opportunity or opening for the sacred. I think this viewpoint allows for a great expansion of spirit, where we all too often spend our lives trying to thrust our spirituality into ever smaller boxes.